 |
| James Cameron's Avatar |
Jim Slotek
Movie Entertainment
January 2010
If I could really see the future, I’d spend all my time at the racetrack or picking lotto numbers, instead of writing a column about what’s going to happen showbiz-wise in 2010.
Still, as they say, you can’t prove a negative. So at this writing, all the following have a chance to be true. Nonetheless, the editors of this magazine do not recommend wagering.
A BIG YEAR FOR NOBODIES
Following a year in which Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), Ed Asner (Up), Chris Pine (Star Trek) and a couple of barely working actors with day jobs (Paranormal Activity) dominated the box office, look for the studios to go on a national “unknown” hunt, and for Tom Cruise to start waiting tables as the work completely dries up for famous people.
HELLO, MADONNA?
Having left Scientology, maverick Canadian director Paul Haggis will embrace Kabbalah.
CO-STARRING TURTLE AS HIS BUDDY MIGUEL
Everybody thought Aquaman would be the first fake project from Entourage to turn real. But we predict the Pablo Escobar story (the bomb that almost tanked Vincent Chase’s career) will finally start production in 2010 (Oliver Stone and Joe Carnahan both considered it recently … really).
THINGS GET GOOFY
Disney’s acquisition of Marvel will manifest itself this summer when we see both Iron Man and Spider-Man wearing three-fingered white gloves.
DIMENSIONAL OVERLOAD
The mad rush to re-release movies in 3-D will hit the wall with My Dinner With André: The 3-D Experience. (“OMG! It’s like that wine glass is coming right at me!”)
NIGHT FRIGHT
Inspired by the Blair Witch-like viral success of Paranormal Activity, Paramount will push the boundaries of the shaky camera horror experience by giving Lindsay Lohan an HD vidcam for a night.
BEEN THERE, FORGOT THEM
Whoever wins the best supporting actor and actress award will never be heard from again.
POPULAR IS BAD
With 10 spots to fill in the category of best picture, the Academy of Motion
Picture Arts and Sciences will still try to fill the list with movies nobody has seen.
The exceptions will be Avatar, Up and The Hangover.
THE KING IS DEAD
Having already been crowned King of the World, James Cameron will take
Avatar to the Oscars and pronounce himself Emperor of the Universe!
REVENGE OF THE NERDS
Every graphic novel in the world will finally be green-lit for a mediocre movie. Disgusted fans will go back to reading comic books.
WILD ABOUT HAIRY
Benicio del Toro’s turn in The Wolfman next month will have women re-thinking their prejudice against male body hair.
A NO-BRAINER
Kanye West will do something asinine on national TV.
BUT IT’S NO LIZZIE McGUIRE MOVIE
The “re-imagining” of Bonnie and Clyde, with Hilary Duff and Kevin Zegers, actually won’t turn out to be that terrible.
ANGRY MANAGEMENT
There will be a really bad day on the set of the movie The Fighter, with Mark
Wahlberg, Christian Bale and notoriously temperamental director David O. Russell all going postal. The result will be the most entertaining viral video of all time.
ZACH RACE
Their 15 minutes will be declared over for Zac Efron and Zach Braff. However,
Zach Galifianakis’s career will still be going gangbusters. And Zak Penn’s name will turn gold when he finally hands in that script for Marvel’s dream super project, The Avengers.